i've been away for soo long and quite frankly i've missed you all so much and my old life. even though i hate being deprived of food because it makes me all moody theres nothing better than seeing the results, it probably makes me the happiest everr so im getting my old life back. i cant wait. starting from tomorrow. ive missed it so much. and with summer coming up im soo behind now, but im going to try my up most HARDEST to do this and be a skinny skinny skinny minnie for the coming months. size 6 (UK) here i come!!! fingers crossed!!!!
how is everyone else? i hope good and better than me!
love to you ALL
xoxo

hey guys i haven't posted on here for a while, sorry. i've missed you!
well i've had a reallyyy shit past couple of weeks because my family found out what i was doing so i've been made to eat loads :(
oh my god its been awful and i've lost all of my control. i was doing so well i hate whats happened :( but i still can't face eating a whole big dinner like i used to which is good i guess, but i've still been eating loads :( i've been taking laxatives though, and these pills that speed up your metobolism loads. ive only just started taking them though. my friend said she's lost like 4lbs already taking them so i cant wait for them to start working :) they are called sea kelp if anyone else wants to try them. and with the laxatives i swear they are not working, anyone know anything about them?

love you all xo

oh my god. 
i've been having proper full blown arguments with my mum tonight. because with the ED i get depressed and so so down so i'm obviously not a very nice person to be around and me and my mum have just been falling out loads recently. its because she just doesn't get it. she has not idea that i'm a)depressed b)have OCD c)self harm and d)have an ED, which makes me even moree upset and angry and depressed. she thinks its just me being selfish and being moody towards her for no reason. she always thinks me not eating her dinners each night is me trying to punish her and kick out at her. if only i could tell, i feel so bad. me and my mum are pretty close so it makes it even harder for me not being able to talk to her. she keeeeeeps asking me whats wrong with me lately and why im acting like this, she just doesnt understand that i cant tell her. i just have to keep saying that theres nothing wrong with me and she should leave me alone which just makes her shout and cry even more. but what can i say? i cant say anything without having her whisk me off to the doctors right away. but this is horrible, its making things 100 times worse. and i cant talk to anyonee about it, except you girls of course. thankgod for you girls. i really dont know what to do. i cant believe ive got all this and im 110lbs. what the hell, theres not even visible results yet. i dread to think what ive got coming, things can only get worse for me when it comes to relationships. but hopefully will get better when it comes to my body. eughhh i hate this so much. all i want to be is thin, is that too much to ask for ?

oh my god i hate cravings so much. i always get them so bad when im dieting. i just start thinking of all these foods i want and haven't had for ages and start going crazy thinking about them. the list can go on forever! eugh. but i just keep telling myself, its just food!! you'll have for like a few minutes and it'll be gone, just like that. and then you'll feel all fat and guilty. it does help, but the cravings always come back :( but i read in my magazine that its a known fact for people who are dieting to think about food much more than someone who isn't dieting. its this article in my cosmo (the one with leona lewis on the front,)tlking about calorie controllers and the "weird" food rules we set ourselves to lose weight. the cases they talk about sound exactly like me, so some of you could probably relate to it aswell. if you get it its on page 192 - 193.

so hows everyone doing? ive got 800 tomorrow then im starting the abc. im sooo annoyed though because my friend is having her birthday thing on sat eveing, having us over for pizza and cake :( oh my goddd its meant to be my 500. with all my friends there im so going to cave. im really scared and angry that shes going to ruin my good running :(((

oh my god im back to 8 st after all the binging and take aways during my long weekend :( arghhh it was soo hard to restrict though. family and friends were literally shoving the food in my face. im so depressed. hate hate hate my body.
but all ive had today is soup and green teas. doing 2468 - 200 was today. then saturday im starting the abc. if you've done / tried it before, how much weight did you lose ?

stay stong girls :)

hi speacials,
did my 600 today, still feel fat fat fat. i just want to hurry up and start seeing visible weight loss.
you're all my thinspiration with your posts so thank you :)

one of my fit friends picked me up today, was horrible because i could tell he was struggling! aha arghhhh, i can't weight until im as light as a feather. 
just as the thought of loads of food makes me feel sick i get stupid stupid cravings like cheese ughhh
food is my enemy.

love to you all, xo

hey girls,
over my illness so going back on 8642. did my 800 fine today so i hope im back on track already :) fingers crossed anyway.
i am determinded to get get skinny, i know it will make me so much happier. so ive just got to be strong. ive already prooven to myself i can do it, so there should be nothing stopping me.
hope you're all good, xo

quick post just to let everyone know i have the flu so my mum is making me stay in and eating lots of meals to get my strength back which means no exercise either. oh my god i could just die. but hopefully i'll get better soon and be back to my usual non eating self again!

stay strong, xo

so the boy i am in love with told me he no longer has feelings for me last night. i probably should have seen it coming but i kept telling myself no its okay, there still might be a chance (we've been on and off for the past year now) but this time its pretty much over for good. so i went mad and cut all my arms, and some of my face for some reason ? what makes it worse (or maybe better because its good thinspo) he is getting together with a stick thin model, who is in the year below. oh my god he so broke up with me because im fat and ugly. but its okay, because it really has given me the strength to stop eating. ive done much better today. back on the 8642. i'll show him! lets hope i stay strong.

hope everyone is okay ?
xo

 oh and ive made this little thinspo pack, its great. and it took me while to make it, a great way to take your mind off food. ive put it under my bed and whenever i feel like a binge i go look at it. it just full of loads of little sayings ive heard, support people have given me and loads of pictures of tiny models of course!